He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
50% drunk capacity currently
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
