the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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