Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
