He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
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i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
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my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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