Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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