3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
