i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She even gives head with a lisp.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
