i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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