Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
