He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
