i think my tv is drunk
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
