Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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