I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
