HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
