woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
