Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
