I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
