So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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