so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
