He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
