i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize