hell yes lets make some ravioli
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
