WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
