What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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