I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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