i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
