Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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