A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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