Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
