Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
