I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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