I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
