I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
