This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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