What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
