So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
