Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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