I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
