Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
