I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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