I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
