[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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