I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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