I think i peed on brittanys purse
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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