Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
