Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
