My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize