Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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