Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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