So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
