i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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