You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
