$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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