Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
