I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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