Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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