Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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