if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize