out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
no. you can't hotbox the world.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
