It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
