The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Randomize
