I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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