Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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