I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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