Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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