He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
