how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
