i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
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i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
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I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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