Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
