Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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