Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
