You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
