I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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