I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
