Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
