i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
