Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Randomize
