The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Randomize
