Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
