I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
